Open your eyes, sister.

You called me a little girl. You called me prude. You laughed when I said I had indeed seen Lucius naked once before. You told me I'd regret waiting so long.

So what do you say now?

You're being oblivious, sister. It's all right infront of you. I told you that I'm not a little girl anymore. I smirked, and grinned and danced around the reasons as to why I'm not a little girl. Can't you place the peices together?

But you know what, I do not care if you do not figure it all out. You'd probably ruin everything anyway.

In the end, I don't want to be like you, anyway. I just want you to realize I'm not a baby.

---

I don't have any regrets, but I don't feel like myself anymore. Last time he told me to wait, and this time he didn't. This time he removed his shirt, and then helped me remove mine. He locked the door and undid his belt and trousers. He was soft and sweet. Truth is, that's exactly how I imagined it would be.

I won't tell anyone. Though I want to wave it infront of Bella's nose, I'll never admit to it. Never.

I passed a potions exam. Maybe now you'll stop treating me like an idiot, Severus.

[private, private, public.]

There is no denying that I had a better Winter Holiday than you. Really now, just accept it. Mostly everyone else has.

As a Black and future Mrs. Malfoy, I get to attend all the best holiday shindigs. From the Malfoy Christmas party, to the Ministry's New Year's party. And of course, all the best festivities between. You probably went to some other "gathering" that tried to pass itself off as an amazing holiday party, but it simply isn't up to par with the parties I attend.

Your dresses of course aren't as glorious as mine.

With the holiday season comes a new attire. I can't wear my old dresses to the parties, for that's just tacky. Mother and I go and find the prettiest dresses from wherever we please, and you of course, can not afford them. For we are Black women, and we're better than you.

Even my sister Bella is better than you, even if I have more engagement rings (2) than her (0). She may get bracelets and necklaces, but really now, a nice engagement ring and a good fiance is something much more important. Not to mention that I got a lovely necklace, from Lucius too.

Oh! And he bought me a kitten! A little blonde kitten. Which is fitting, seeing as how I am blonde, he is blonde and our children will be blonde. In the mean time this kitten is like our child and she too is a blonde. I was going to name her Lucius Jr. or Lucifer, but it turns out that little blonde kitty is a girl. So her name is Lucy instead. I found it fitting.

She's a charming little kitten, and so well behaved. Mother likes her. (I'm not too sure about Bellatrix though...) And Lucy has a lovely little diamond collar with a charm that has her name on it. Only the best for little Lucy Black-Malfoy.

Just like her mum; only the best for Narcissa Black -futureMalfoy

You know, people should listen to me, more. I gave this little second year girl advice this morning...see, she was wearing her hair in pigtails. Really now, who wears pigtails anymore? So I told her...well, I told her nicely that she looked like an idiot and shouldn't wear pigtails because she's not a child anymore. She cried and ran off. Really now, she should value that information.

Perhaps I'll give people more information more often.

Like I should tell Sirius to apologize to our family and come back because I miss him!
And...well, that Isis girls shouldn't be a blonde.

Yes, I think I'll do that.

[Strikes are private]

Remember when we were younger and we'd spend all our time together? Remember how we swore we'd always be close and nothing would come between us? You were my best friend back then, and I thought we'd always be best friends.

Remember when Andromeda went off to school and left us alone? Remember how you'd help me hide from Mum in the library and instead you'd let me watch you pick on the boys? You told me to stay away from boys. You said they were icky and I was too good for them.

Remember when you went off to school and I was alone with Regulus? You'd write me almost every night when school first started. But as the year went on, your letters weren't as frequent. Andy never owled me, but you did. It made me love you even more.

Remember when you came home for Christmas that first year? Remember how it almost seemed like nothing changed? You spent your time picking on the boys, and you even let me try on your uniform. You told me that the colours of Slytherin matched my eyes, and that I'd be one of the prettiest girls at school. But then you went back to school because Christmas was over.

Remember how rarely you owled me then? But remember how much I enjoyed your stories when you did owl me? I always loved hearing about school, and dreamed of when I'd get to join you and Andy.

Remember when summer came? We spent all our time together, talking about how much fun school would be. Remember how you promised to keep all the boys away from me because I was still too good for them? I promised to stay away from the boys, and you said I had better.

Remember when all the boys started liking you and you stopped picking on them like when we were younger? Remember how I was worried that boys were going to come between us? But you said that could never happen.

Remember when I got engaged to Lucius? Remember how mad you were? I knew you were afraid of losing me to him, but I swore to myself that wouldn't happen.

But...remember when I kissed Rodolphus? I know you do, because it didn't happen too long ago. I know you found out, and I know you're mad at me. But do you really remember that we promised something like this would never happen?

-----

Sometimes, I want to be his everything and more. But then, I realize what his everything would really be, and I can't bring myself down to that level. You want a girl who isn't like me, don't you? You want a girl like the girl who kissed her sister's boyfriend, don't you? And you want me to be that girl, don't you?

You'd love that girl, wouldn't you? You'd really want to marry that girl, wouldn't you?

But would you still look at me the same way if I were that girl?

Potions keeps me busy...especially when my so called tutor is nowhere to be found. Thanks, Severus.

[Props to Natty, Kay and Liz for the inspiration for the remember part. Hopefully that's all good and dandy with Kay as well. So yes this and this are private. :D]

The Valentine's Dance was most disappointing. Though..what dance in this school isn't disappointing. Another night of tacky decortations, horrid music and spiked punch--which I was sure to stay away from.

Another night where Lucius didn't show up....

But that's all in the past now. Because it's not Febraury anymore. It's March. March means spring is almost here. I like March. Well, I like spring more, but March is a start.

March also means that school is almost over. I like when school is almost over. I like the summer. I like being able to travel with Mum and Daddy. Of course, I get to spend a lot more time with my sisters...

My sisters who are hiding ever so well. Actually, everyone is hiding.

Where is everyone? Olivia, Rodolphus, Severus? I haven't seen hide nor hair of them in ages.

Andy and Bella? My loving sisters...not a sight of them.

Lucius...missing as always.

[Hi im private]